My two cents about Marriage.
A few days ago, I had a chitchat with three of my childhood friends. There are seven of us in our little gang in the small village surrounded by soldiers when we were kids. All of us are daughters of soldiers but none of us follows our father’s footstep. We headed to different paths. One went to Canada. One is in Dubai. The rest, we stayed in our country but lives in different cities and provinces. Only one of us stayed in our small village. Three of my friends are married and two of them have kids. So, the usual talk is about Marriage and adult things as we are not any more kids who were once scared of talking about sex and boys.
One of my friends who marries at a young age keeps on asking the singles about Marriage and she’s worried because we are already heading to ’40s and still unmarried. She’s the youngest among the squad. The eldest is single and lives to enjoy her life in Dubai with her sister. Our youngest will always tease us about being old maids. She even said she will look for our soon-to-be husbands. She’s not the only one though. Our parents and old neighbor aunts whom we still in contact with usually ask us to marry as soon as possible before we could reach the age of seniors.
I already wrote a blog about why she stays single, but I used the third person’s point of view. Today, I will be giving my two cents about marriage. That childhood friend of mine is not the only one who keeps on throwing the word Marriage. I heard it now and then from my family, relatives, friends, and colleagues. My father even said he gives up on the thought of I or any of his children will get married.
So, why I stayed single? I never dream or thought about Married life. In my work, I interview applicants to be part of our company. I asked them what they think of their future, or where will they be 10 years from now? Most of their answers include having a family, married, and have kids. Well, I looked back during my interview years ago as a shy, fresh graduate applicant when the Manager asked me the same question. I remembered telling her I wanted to have my construction firm, or I will work in Japan and as an employee of the company, I will be working in the head office in Japan, being in a higher position. I think I also said, I will be traveling the world (and I know it will be impossible, but I said it though). I also said to the then Vice-President, as I an Engineer, I wanted to know more about Japan’s construction ethics, about their building codes and I cannot remember what else I’ve said in my interview. I never even think about marriage or having kids. All I think at that time was my excitement of working in Japan and having a chance to work in Japan. I was looking forward to building my career. Not once did I think of myself as being married or having kids. That was me in my twenties.
In my late 20’s and early 30’s, I traveled a lot. I enjoyed life so much that I forgot to look for someone who will stay with me for the rest of our lives instead, I stayed with a man who says he loves me when we’re alone and once he leaves the door, I was just someone else. I love to travel alone because it gives me peace and I don’t need to follow an itinerary. Though I travel with my friends or colleagues, I am not as comfortable as traveling alone. I cannot imagine myself going home after work, cooking, cleaning, or do the laundry while my husband drinks his beer while watching his favorite baseball team or any sports. I love the freedom I have. I just love being in my cave without seeing the sun. Or maybe because I love my space that it’s okay for me to be just the second option. Being the second option, I don’t need to act as if I am the first. I can do things the way I like it. I love my independence.
Now, I am in my almost late 30’s, my view about Marriage has changed. Why? Because I want to settle down too. And I honestly admit it. But the problem is I cannot see myself being surrounded by people or sharing the same bed with someone else for the rest of our lives or having the responsibility of being a mother and wife. I am not scared. I am just hesitant to open my door to allow someone else to invade my space. As an introvert, it’s hard to allow people to stay, touching the things I have, telling me what to do and not to do, or sitting on the sofa that I sat alone with for years. I tried online dating before and met someone who always calls even late at night. He wants to talk all the time. He keeps on asking where I am, what am I doing? I like the idea of someone worrying about my whereabouts, but I just love it when no one is bothering me. Maybe, I’m good to be just a second option as I can still do what I love to do, alone and be just lazy. Or maybe I haven’t met someone who understands the life of an introvert as I only met people opposite of me who loves to talk until dawn, extrovert and loves attention.
As a Christian, Marriage is a sacrament, and that if I am not ready to face the responsibility of being a married woman, it is better to remain in my space. Also, marriage is the union of two-person, sharing and loving, understand their relationship, and thinking of their future family. I want to get married too but there is this other side of me wanting to be just me, independent and alone. I can protect myself, but my friends will always say it’s nice if someone will defend and protect me, someone I can always rely on and lean on, or someone who will support me and always there to pick me up when I fall, instead of relying on myself alone to help me get up and walk.