A note to self.
I was checking some of my notebooks, reading some stuff I wrote years ago when I open this small notebook I have, and I was surprised at what I wrote. I think it was 2019 that I wrote it.
Maybe, it’s just an eye-opener for me as recently my mental health is affecting my everyday activities.
As far as I can remember, I wrote this when my work was draining every soul I have at that time. I love my job because if not, why I am still here working for more than 10 years now. But that’s me saying I am a hypocrite and playing safe at the same time. I stayed because I don’t have anywhere to go. No, not that one. I can go anywhere I want. I can do whatever I want. I stayed because I understand the meaning of my responsibility. I stayed because I chose to stay even if a lot of my closest colleagues already left, and they chose different paths to take.
Sometimes, I can’t understand myself, but that’s just me fighting against myself. I just wanted to be dramatic. Anyway, I catch garbage and throw them at me. I mean, people throw their garbage and I catch and clean it. Some people run away from their responsibility when it is too heavy to carry. And it’s my job to take that responsibility for the job to work. Some mess up and I clean it. A lot of people complain about everything and it’s my job to compile and store it.
At one point, my storage got full, damage and no command can restore it. I just exploded to make my story more dramatic. Blue is for blue. Red is for red. Oh no! the timer is nearing its end, the bomb will explode soon, run far from here, hide everyone. Then, there’s a loud bang and it can be heard from miles and miles and the impact is too devastating. That’s just in my head. I am just telling a story that I cannot vocally speak. My head just explodes of all the things I heard, collect, and process. In my head, I complain about my life, my work, just about everything.
Anyway, I don’t want to spread negativity in this post. I just want to share my thoughts and my life.
No matter how hard life can get, it is still a LIFE.
And no matter how much I complain and hating my job, I am still here working.
To anyone who reads this until the end of this post, I know you too are struggling to survive. Just keep on fighting. Never give up just because life is hard, and it will get harder as the day passes by, but we just need to keep moving forward and face our responsibility.
This is Ringo.
And this is my story.
See you soon!