Why are you not married yet?

The question ‘why are you not married yet?’ is like curse words in her ears. Every day since she started living on her own, people, family, relatives, friends, and even someone she just met, keep on bothering her about that curse word – Marriage. Her friends just got married and someone will ask her, ‘when will be your time to get married?’. Another friend just had her baby shower, someone will say, ‘hope next time it will be you’. When she got her first job, someone will say, ‘you can now start your family’. Holy heaven, she sighed. When she turns 25 years old, someone says to her, ’25 is the ideal age for a woman to start a family’. She rolled her eyes. Five years later, she’s 30 and someone said you’re already too old, get yourself a man and have a family because you will regret it later when you can’t spend more time with your grandchildren. Goodness’s sake. 

She started questioning her decision in life, whether she’s doing the right thing, or she needs to follow what others are saying. Marriage. What is so special about it? Is marriage the only description for a man/woman in the dictionary? Of course not. And nobody asks her what she wants or what her goal is. Nobody asks her about her job, her career. Nobody even cares to ask her how’s her life. From the day she turns into a young lady until she matured into a woman, marriage is like her only future. 

A family gathering is like a nightmare for her as her relatives will keep on throwing the M-word to her. Reunions (High School or College) are like knives that keep on stabbing her the moment she opens the door. Yet, she just smiles as if she’s not annoyed with the conversation about the M-word. For her, it’s kind of depressing to hear the M-word every day, every opportunity it reaches her. She asked herself, should she just get married so people will shut their mouths? She doesn’t want to blame anyone or the society that dictates a man and woman should get married and have a family. The M-word is like the only air she needed to be able to live and survive. It is like the only word that describes a person’s success.  

There are reasons why she’s still single and it doesn’t mean she will not marry. Not now but maybe in years to come. She may be single, but it doesn’t mean she’s lonely. There are ways to be happy even if she’s not in a relationship. 

And here’s why:

She has a beautiful career.

– Ask her why she chooses her career, not to discourage her on why career is a bad choice for her. Or maybe she finds enjoyment in fulfilling her childhood dream job. Maybe she needed her work more than any man’s endless love. Maybe she wants to be financially secured before entering the marriage stage. Or maybe it’s her way to get out of the idea that one should get married, have kids, grow old with someone just to be happy or successful.

She has more time to enjoy life.

– Maybe she loves to go out, hang out with single people, just enjoying the life she has like YOLO (you only live once). She can spend the whole night in the bar, flirt with any man but can still go home with her clothes on. She can drink any beer, wine without worrying about being drunk and go home without someone telling her off.  

She loves traveling.

– Some will say, you can travel with your family. Yup! She’s happy traveling with her parents and siblings. But it’s different when she’s traveling alone or with friends. She can travel at her own pace, in her own time. She can decide where to go, what to do, and when to eat without worrying too much. She travels more and she worries less. 

She loves freedom. 

– Maybe she loves more freedom than being tied in a relationship that forbids her to enjoy being free. Being independent makes her happy. She’s free and can do anything she wants. She can play around, meet anyone, and free to discover other lands behind her boundary. 

She loves being with herself.

– Even if she’s single, it doesn’t mean she can’t have what married women have in bed. She just doesn’t want to be in a relationship. She enjoys her me time. She can be naked the whole day but still beautiful.  

She’s just preparing herself with the responsibility.

– Or maybe she thinks she’s not ready to have her own family. Or she thinks she can’t be a good wife or mother. Or maybe she’s just making sure she can balance her life. She’s making sure that she’s well prepared and doesn’t want to gamble the life of being single with that of a married one. 

We all have choices in life, and she chooses to be single. Some are happy being married, some are happy being with kids and some are happy being romantically in love. Some just don’t want to be in a relationship. Just stop asking every single person in the world why they are not married. Each of us has a reason why we choose to live the life we have now. We create our destiny. Whatever our decision, it is our responsibility. 

Remember that not all singles are lonely and sad. Also, not all married couples are happy and stayed ‘till death do us part

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