The one thing I could never change.

The one thing I could never change.

As John Maxwell said, ‘Change is inevitable. Growth is optional.
Nothing stays the same. Everything will naturally change itself. Even Sheldon Cooper (The Big Bang Theory) experienced a change in his lifestyle. Humans can adapt to changes. We change as we grow.

But there is one thing that I couldn’t change. That is being an organized person. I work in a Japanese company for ten long years. I’ve been to Japan for more than I can count on my fingers. And Japanese people are known for being organized and disciplined. That is the one thing I, myself couldn’t do. I mean, I am a disciplined person (sort of). For me, it is always amazing if I see someone being so organized even the smallest things should be in the right place because I couldn’t do that. I tried but it didn’t work for me.

Every time my boss will be in the office, the first thing he notices is my table because of all the necessary and unnecessary things lying on my table. We have 5S in the office, but I am proof that I can do my job without following even just one of the 5S. My boss will always remind me of 5S, that I need to clean, throw all the unnecessary things, organized everything and all. No matter how many times I tried to clean my table, there is always that unnecessary objects and I don’t know why I can’t get rid of such and it’s hard for me to throw things because I always think that maybe one day, I will need it but in reality, I never really need it.
As I am not allowed to post a picture of my table, just imagine, you have a Monitor and you also have a laptop. And the rest will be pens, pens, papers, papers, clips, clips, a highlighter, another highlighter, another and another and another and so on. I only have a small table, but I could put a lot of things in there and I could still write. I could still work. I can sign papers. They said Managers should be neat and organized for them to work properly. If I will be evaluated based on how messy my table is, I will fail. One of my co-workers even said he thought he found a snake on my table because of how messy it was. No matter how messy or unorganized my table, I like it because I know where to look for things. I prefer it to be reachable. Is there a word ‘reachable’?

What I am trying to say is that I could reach all the office supplies with my hands without standing or going in some cabinets because it’s all on my table, no matter how messy it is. I like it when all the things I needed will be reached by my hands while sitting on my chair without wasting a minute to stand up and look for it. And that’s the thing my boss couldn’t understand or my other mentors or even my teacher in training schools. They say that I should just put the necessary things on my table and throw the unnecessary ones. But I couldn’t distinguish which one is necessary and unnecessary because I may need it or use it. I had an instructor from Panasonic during my training period, he said you only need one pen, you don’t need a lot of pens, so it will not distract you in which pen you should use because your only option is one pen. If you have too many unnecessary things around you, you cannot focus on what you need and must do. Maybe I am an alien. I have black, blue, red pens with different ballpoints. I even have one pen that has different colors. I love it when I see different pen colors. I collect different types of pens.

Even my office bags have a lot of things inside them. My closest coworker would always ask if I put my apartment in my bag? I don’t need to have a big pouch, medium pouch, or small pouch to organize things inside my bag as long as my make-up kit is there, my umbrella fits in, my tissue is there, mirror and comb, my keys, perfume/cologne, my sewing kit, candies, etc. oh! I forgot, my wallet and phone should be there too. Pens and a pouch where I put my external hard drive, sticky note, etc. Don’t forget my charger and headset that’s messing with my things and I had to keep on buying a new one. Now, because of the pandemic, I have added new things. I have my small spray alcohol, another small bottle of alcohol, and 1L spray alcohol. I also have hand sanitizer. My vitamin C is there. Extra facemasks. My essential oil and Vicks VapoRub. A lotion. And other unnecessary things that I thought I might need it. I always think that if there will be an apocalypse, I might survive for a couple of days.

I watched a vlog about how she organized her calendar. And I thought, I have a calendar, why not try it but I just write things on it and didn’t bother to check it again. I input my schedule like when to write, this day I should update my blog, I should create a new video for my Japanese lesson, but not a single thing I followed. I tried to organize my things, even my life, but I couldn’t.

I told myself, I should focus on doing one thing but suddenly I think of something, yet I did another thing until I forgot to do the things I should have done. No matter how I organized things in my life, I just couldn’t do it. I feel like I have too many ‘me’ inside one body.

When I went to Bangkok alone, I had my itinerary. I planned things months before my trip. I had listed the tourist spots and organized the date and time for each tourist spot. But when I was there, all the plans, the schedules, were useless. I didn’t follow what was on my calendar. I spontaneously went to this place, then suddenly went somewhere else. They say that it is better to have a tour guide and an organized schedule, and what I need to do is to follow it. But I don’t like it because there is no excitement. No surprises. I wouldn’t learn anything if I went to Bangkok with a tour guide and let some agency handles my itinerary. The same thing happens every time I decide to stroll around Tokyo or places I stayed in Japan during my free time, and I ended doing the opposite. I remember when I was in Ueno, I had hours of free time until I met with the clients. I told myself I should go to Shin-Okubo, the Korean town in Tokyo, to buy some KPOP merchandise but I went to Harajuku instead and went straight to Johnny’s shop.

I always have a detour.

Same with my normal days during weekends. I said to myself that on these Saturdays, I will buy some groceries, but I ended up sleeping the whole day. Or if I went to the supermarket, I have a list of things to buy, I bought nothing in my lists, instead, I bought things that my eyes like not what I need.
I went on a tour with an itinerary before. All of my friends know where to go. I never even bother to look at it.

But I do follow deadlines. Because if I will not, that will cost me my job. Though along the line of following the deadlines, I went to different curves and got distracted I did a detour so I can meet the deadline.

I don’t even know how to end this blog. What will be my conclusion?

Maybe I am a multi-tasker but not an organized person. I could work on my laptop while working on my PC without looking away from my laptop while listening to one person and talking to another one.
No matter how many times I tried to organize my life, it doesn’t fit my personality. I love being spontaneous. Maybe that is the reason why people leave me, and I am always alone. Or maybe I don’t know how to clean and brushed off the things that I don’t need and that I should stop reaching to people who don’t want to stay in my life and throw the memories that will make my life messed up. That I need to remove the things that tied me from hatred.

That I need to stop writing now because it’s already midnight and I need to sleep but wait, my brain doesn’t want to sleep yet my eyes are shutting down.

I should just end my blog now because there is no point in what I am writing.

This is Ringo.

See Yah!

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