A dream

Hi, it’s me, Ringo, again.

 I’m lost. I lost my way. I can’t think properly, and my head is empty. I don’t have any new things going on with my life.

I’m just here to tell my dreams last night (oh! I think this morning dawn as I slept at past 3 AM) and analyze it.

Here we go:

I was with my high school classmates. I cannot fully see the picture, but we were in my college building. There were two groups of schools participating in an unknown activity because I don’t know why we were there. Then suddenly, I hang out with two guys and a girl with their instructor and suddenly I was flirting with the other guy. I guess, we were inseparable but then I suddenly stop hanging out with him. All my classmates and his friends asked why I hurt him and then I just informed them that I was married and had two kids and that my husband doesn’t care about me that’s why I was flirting.

(Imagine being a high school kid and married at a young age and have kids. Wheeew!)

And then they were cold at me after what happened. Then suddenly, it’s nighttime. My old college building became like a hotel. Everyone had their rooms ready, but my teacher did not give me a key for my room. I was supposed to be sharing a room with that guy but because I just gave him heartaches, so I ended up being with myself (Whoop!)

My teacher said my room would be on 301(I couldn’t remember it clearly). So, I went straight to it, but then I found out it’s a storage room. Then, I went to ask my teacher, instead, I went to the other instructor and they just laughed at me and told me I can stay in 311 (I guess, that’s the room number). When I went there, it’s a classroom. All the chairs were stuck in both corners while the center was empty. The feeling I had at that time was annoyed as no one even bother to help me just because I broke someone’s heart. So, I went to my closest friend (like we were friends and classmates since elementary days) but then she just sleeps and didn’t bother to look at me. The feeling I had at that time (as far I could remember) was betrayed for being left out. I went to another room, I guess it’s room 312 or 313, I couldn’t remember it and went to sleep with my other classmates though they didn’t want me there, they let me sleep on the floor. I felt like an outsider and I just pushed myself to be with them because I was scared to be alone and I don’t know where to go as no one was trying to help and even though they don’t want me there, I stayed and never cared what they say. I was about to cry then suddenly; it became like a horror movie. The other guy (I guess he was the best friend of the guy I just hurt) went to the room and said something I couldn’t remember. He was just worried about his friend as he was sleeping alone in their room. I was so scared as everyone was attacked while they were sleeping. Then, someone dug their way on the ground and attacked us. (We were supposed to be on the 3rd floor, but the monster was on the ground). It’s like a small thing with a scary face like Gollum of Lord of the rings. I pour the eye drops I had but it turns out it was holy water. (oh!) Then, I pulled my rosary out of nowhere and I wake up around past 4 AM.

And that’s my dream.

I don’t know the reason behind it, but I keep on dreaming about my high school classmates. I read in one blog that if you dream about high schools, it is like you need to prepare for the real world. Another blog said it is about my insecurities and other issues I haven’t resolve.

I think it is more of my insecurities. Though I looked like I am confident but in reality, I am not. I have my insecurities. I had to act confident because of my job but I’m not. I set aside my insecurities and hide so nobody can see and know about them.

When I was younger, I never see myself having a family of my own. But, as I grow older, I am looking to have my own. Unfortunately, I could not find one and my family is pressuring me to get married as I am not young anymore. I am nearing the end of my womanhood as they say. So, me dreaming of being married in my teenage years and having kids is me being pressured to start having my family.

In my dream, I was so scared and hopeless that no one bothers to help even my closest classmates. It is like me now. I am scared and hopeless. I cannot explain it. When 2020 became a year of healing for nature and the world stops for a while, I started losing my patience and I get irritated. I started hating my job and my life. I started questioning why I stayed for so long. I was so depressed that I think of ending my life. 2021 is no different. It went from worse to worst. Fortunately for me, I could stand on my own and still can continue despite it is so hard to just walk a couple of steps. I can easily distract myself away from my problems for a while.

I don’t have any explanation for my dream, but I am just stressed with my life now. And even in my unconscious self, I am still stress.

I hope someone can analyze my dream and give me advice.   

That’s all for now. I am hoping I could think of something interesting to write about.

This is Ringo.

See you soon!

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