I don’t want to be his mistakes again.

Have you been to a forbidden relationship? Have you wished you were born earlier? Or you dream that you met him when he was still single?

I did and I even wished he’s not married the day we’ve met.

It was love at first sight. I fell in love the moment I set my eyes on him.

I will not be going to tell the whole story because I have to protect his family.

I was in a forbidden love affair. He’s a married man. I don’t know how it started. All I know at that time was it happened before I knew I made the biggest mistakes of my life. We woke up in the morning smiling with each other, we were happy, but it only lasted for a couple of hours and it will end the moment he leaves my door. He is older than me for a lot of years. He helped me in work and teach things about being a professional and the value of time. I helped him enjoy life outside of his work as he is quite a workaholic. We are quite the opposite but that’s the reason why our relationship lasted for years as every time we see each other; we always do things outside of our circle.

It lasted for a couple of years until the pandemic spread like a wildfire last year that we decided to end things. He lives somewhere that I only visited a couple of times. And if you read my old posts you will know where it is. Every time I went to visit him, it will only for a couple of hours and then he will go back to his family. His wife kind of knew our relationship because I saw in her eyes the sadness and betrayal when he introduces me to his family as a client-employee relationship so his family will not be going to question him every time he will not be home early, or he is on a business trip. We worked professionally when were in the office as if we did not have any emotional attachment with each other. We acted in front of everybody as if we don’t know each other. When I was introduced to his family, his children thought I was their father’s assistant and I acted that everything was just work-related and nothing else. Despite knowing something was wrong, his wife keeps on smiling every time I talked. I know that it hurts her so much and her smile was the tears she couldn’t show.

I haven’t told anyone except for one person who decoded the message in my post though some information I withheld and labeled it as confidential. And it will remain a secret for the rest of my life because my parents will not be going to accept the fact that their daughter had been in an immoral relationship or my friends. After all, I grew up with the idea of not destroying other people’s lives.

I know that karma is a b*tch, and it is now digital. That’s why it’s better to let go than to make more mistakes. And I know I was wrong, and I just wanted to say sorry to his wife because I stole the man she loves and destroyed the sanctity of their marriage. They are still together as a family but the mistakes we’ve made cannot be forgiven because there is already a scar in their relationship.

But I still wished things will be different. We could still be together now if I was born the same year as him or live in the same place. If I have met him before he said ‘I do’ then maybe, we did not make that mistake. But I just make myself look so stupid wishing I was there when he was still free. 

Most of the time, we met people to help us to be better people or to teach us lessons. I met him when I started building my career and he helped me in handling my insecurities and my weaknesses. He was always there to support me and give advice on what to and what not to do. He told me to be strong no matter what happens and to believe in myself because he believes in me. Now, I miss him so much, but I don’t want to be his mistakes again.

I just wanted to say thank you to that man I could not marry for helping me to be strong. I promised him I will not be in a relationship where I will just be an option and not to repeat the same mistakes.

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