What if you have the power to stop the time? What will you do? What will be that one thing you will do to achieve it while the time stop and you’re the only one who can move and the rest freeze?
Are you going to bully those who bully you when you were young?
Steal money from the rich? Expose the hidden asset of corrupt politicians?
Or set a time bomb around the world and if the time starts clicking, the world will end as the bomb explodes?
Nah ～ that’s cruel.
As for me, what will I do?
And if the time stops, I will again be lonely, alone, and sad. It will be the same whether the time stops or not.
By the way, I’m Elizabeth, nearing the end of the fertility period, heading to white hair and wrinkled face, lonely and alone, a homebody. I love staying at home. I have a full-time job and my life is work-to-home, home-to-work and it circles now and then, nothing changes.
I went to work as early as 7:00 AM and went home as late as 10:00 PM. Every day is the same. I already remember the faces of those I always see in the morning and evening, same people with the same cycle as me, employees of money, the difference is that they have a life while me, I only have a cycle, never a life cycle.
I’m friendly but a bit shy and loves staying at home. I never wanted to go out and meet people, but my work requires me to meet different people, talk to them, and sympathize with them. That’s why I always want to be alone because, for more than 10 hours in the office, I can’t have peace of mind. People tend to complain a lot and I understand them or rather I force myself to understand them. I am in my happiest moment when I am alone, just doing what I love, and no one bothers me. And time passes so fast and I was left forever alone which I love, yet I get sad as my age added another number every year. The next thing, I realized, everyone I know is happy with their own family, achieving their dreams, having a house they achieved with their sweat and hard work, while me, I’m still poor despite having a position, nearing old, not old but if you’re a woman and in her 30’s, alone and single, it’s the same as getting your senior citizen ID and benefits.
What have I fulfilled in my years in a cave-like world? Nothing! Nothing! I just got my hair white, saggy skin, and a fatty body. I used to be happy and inspired yet things change so drastically.
So if you’re going to ask me what will I do if I have the power to stop the time?
Well, I’ll return in my early 20’s where I met the man I dream of, snatch him, and marry him. I will make myself his future. Spending time, driving in his car, and just looking at him while he talks, that’s the happiest moment of my 20’s.
Yet things went wrong. I had to say goodbye and now he is happily married with two kids. That was supposed to be me if I did not choose my career over him. And all I have now is regret. Sometimes choosing your career is not always a happy ending. I have the regret of my past that keeps on punishing me, forcing me to live alone, and never want to meet a new one to love.
We were so happy and in love, then I decided to break the mirror that had him bled and our future vanished and the mirror of us together became just a memory. It’s the memory that had me tied to achieve the career in exchange for his love. He was and will be my forever inspiration.
So, if I could stop the time, I will rather have him with me than him with his current family. I know, I’ll become a homewrecker. I’m so cruel, not thinking about his beautiful wife and lovely daughters if I’ll snatch him and erase them to his memories where he could only remember is just the two of us.
Oh ～ Is it part of my power to stop time includes the power of erasing a fraction of his memories too?
Thinking again, what will happen to us if I choose love over a career? Will I achieve my dream and still have him? Or I’ll just be an ordinary rank and file employee and still have him, yet we struggle to live every day? But yet, I guess choosing my career, I lost everything, nothing good happens to me despite having a high position in the company, I’m still poor, lonely, and sad without love that keeps me living. I only have a career that is ruining my life. Sad but true. I may end up tending myself alone until old age if I’m able to reach old age.
While walking in the same street, it got me thinking, what if I could just jump in front of a fast-moving car or truck, will it hit me so hard and lead me to a state of coma and eventually dies?
Well, that’s a stupid idea. I just waste my life and hurt my body.
Then suddenly, I bumped into someone and the world stops, everyone freezes as I look into his eyes. It feels like I stared into his eyes for years and my tears started to drop. Then he smiled and everything spinning, and when it stops, I am looking at my younger year where I started fulfilling my dream.
I was so happy traveling to different places, meeting new people with different words of wisdom, listening to successful people with their motivation to work harder and smarter. I saw myself walking, despite its always the same road, I was so happy enjoying what I’d chose, the career I always dream of, to lead people and help them achieve their goals too. There was a smile on my eyes. I was laughing with my friends. I went out and had fun.
Then I saw myself reading a letter and everything became so sad and I started crying. I hid my smile. I throw the key of my heart. I became so cold. I started removing people in my life. And every day was a depressing day. No more colors. I walked in a black and white world. It consumed me and I started hating myself, my career, and my life. My world became blurry and the thing I know, I was so alone. And my friends, I left them. I cut ties with them, the friends we both knew. I became so selfish. I trusted no one. I was driven so mad by my career that it only made me more so cold. I forgot to treat people as human beings.
And I started building my cave just because of a letter that I read, where it was my fault why he said;
‘I hope you’ll find someone to share with you the future you both dream’
‘Please, don’t let go of his hands if he wants to stay with you’.
And the worst part,
‘I’m getting married to an amazing woman’
‘Please take care of yourself, Elie.
Love – Shin’.
I blame myself and my career in which, it was my choice and I thought he would wait for me but I already said my Goodbye.
I looked at the person I bumped before my world starts spinning. He smiled at me. His smile is so comforting and there are colors everywhere. Then I remember, he is the guy who walks beside me all the time who always smiles and I always ignore him. I always look so far that I never notice someone beside me, just waiting for me to smile. We both smile while saying sorry because I bumped into him and he forcefully bumped into me.
There is no romance after that incident. He just wants to intentionally talk to me because for all the years he saw me he never once again sees me smile like I used to, and it will be his last as he decides to work in a different country. It is like a parting gift. And thanks to his smile, I move on. I may never find someone, but I started to love myself more and happy. I started connecting myself to the world. I went out, hang out with my friends and their family. I become myself again.
~~ to be continue ~~